all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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