So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i believe in u and ur pee
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
