So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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