there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
