We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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