Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
