It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This beer is not sobering me up at all
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
