you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
