I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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