So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
