so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
