Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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