Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
time to smoke my breakfast
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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