you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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