boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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