Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
