my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
