bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
