this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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