I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize