Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
