you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
