if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
