If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
