I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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