I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
