brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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