Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
