Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
