now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
