First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
