why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
