I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
