Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
