holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
