There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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