I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
