There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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