Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
