it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
