I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
