You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
