I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
