we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
