I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
