I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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