Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
