My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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