That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
