I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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