opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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