Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
