I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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