I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
