im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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