not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So. Much. Porn.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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