Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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