she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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