Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
