If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
