Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
