I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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