I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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