Say something about gay babies.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
