Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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