you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
