I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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