It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
