oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
