My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
as a side note pls kill me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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