Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
