The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
