If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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