Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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