John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
