You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
