I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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