I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
