About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
